


WE'RE BAKING A CAKE!

by aoirann



Category: Analogue: A Hate Story/Hate Plus (Visual Novel series), Epic Meal Time
Genre: Epic meal time - Freeform, Multi, Mute is confused, Vague Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 02:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14823396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoirann/pseuds/aoirann
Summary: In which the writer decides that years later to try for the Cake Achievement. But doesn't want to go get the ingredients for it.  And yes. I do know that I put in a lot more effort then making an actual cake. But I didn't have to leave the house.





	WE'RE BAKING A CAKE!

The video starts. 

 

It was quiet in the seemingly normal kitchen. Well lit. Bright. Only the natural sunlight streaming through the window enough to perfectly illuminate the sterile white countertops and gleaming chrome. It was a silence that couldn’t last forever. 

 

A silence that was broken by the sound of a door flying open and the lights turning on.   
  
“HI I’M *HYUN-AE AND THIS IS SPACE DETECTIVE AND YOU’RE WATCHING SPACE MEAL TIME!” A black haired woman in a maid outfit yelled into the camera, while an androgynous person in full Sherlock Holmes costume nodded from behind her. 

 

“What are you two doing?!” A short blonde woman in a hanbok yelled in confusion as she came up behind them. “I was sleeping before you two idiots started screaming!”

 

“AND GUEST STARRING TODAY IS *MUTE!” *Hyun-ae continued without missing a beat. *Mute jumped into the air when Space Detective slammed down a massive tray onto the countertop that was filled to the brim with various baking ingredients. 

  
“ANYWAY, TODAY WE ARE MAKING A CHOCOLATE CAKE!  NOT JUST ANY OLD CHOCOLATE CAKE! THIS IS A CHOCOLATE CAKE ON EVERY SINGLE LEVEL! THIS IS SPECIAL, UNIQUE, ONE OF A KIND! THIS IS A FRACTAL CHOCOLATE CAKE!”   
  
*Mute, after finally realizing what she’d just walked into, balked.“That’s impossible!”   
  
“THIS IS SPACE MEAL TIME! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!” *Hyun-ae shouted as she smashed two-dozen eggs, one by one, into a giant bowl faster than the human eye could follow beyond a blur. “Now we  _ could _ use a mixer to whisk all these eggs. But why? What would be the point? That’s so  _ boring _ .” She nodded cheerfully as the last egg left her hand. Her upraised, whisk carrying hand. “I HAVE ROBOT HANDS!” A whirring engine started to sound as *Hyun-ae began to spin the whisk around in the bowl.

 

“QUICK, SPACE DETECTIVE! THE FLOUR!” At that call, Space Detective leapt into action like someone straight out of an old action vid, their eyes sharp and muscles flexing as they ripped open the bag with their teeth and dumped the contents into the bowl with a silent roar.

 

“This isn’t how you cook anything! *Mute said in horror. “What are you doing!? What is wrong with you!?”   
  
*Hyun-ae, instead of answering, screamed incoherently for a moment as she slammed the bowl onto the countertop. “CHOCOLATE!”

 

A bar of chocolate that easily topped five kilos in weight slammed onto the countertop with a crack and a bone deep thump, just before the two ‘cooks’ started to beat it into chunks and powder with their bare hands.   
  
“NOW THE CHOCOLATE!” *Hyun-ae continued to scream as Space Detective brought out a giant bar of chocolate that was easily 5 kilos. *Mute stopped moving except for a dangerous twitch of her eye when they started to smash the chocolate with their bare hands. “ALL INTO THE BOWL!” *Hyun-ae shouted as she swept the resulting mess into the bowl, along with everything else in the tray without any rhyme or reason...just before the whisk returned, setting *Mute to screaming as batter and bits began to fly. “   
  


“Now this is where we bake the cake for 90 minutes at 350 degrees for those of you who still use the Imperial system for some reason!” *Hyun-ae surprisingly didn’t shout for once. “But since this is  _ Space Meal Time _ , we’re going to deviate from the recipe a little by putting this into the oven for 9 SECONDS AT 35000 DEGREES!”   
  
“THAT’S THREE TIMES HOTTER THAN THE SURFACE OF THE SUN!” *Mute pointed out hysterically.

 

“BWAHAHAHAHAHA!” *Hyun-ae laughed maniacally as she threw the pan into the nearby oven, and literally punched every button on it until a bright white glow started to fill the room. Then, she continued to punch it for unknown reasons even while *Mute dived behind a cheap metal dinner table and started to loudly pray in between drawn out screams of ‘no’...and then, with a ding, they all got to live another day.   
  
“And there you have it!  *Hyun-ae said as she slipped on an oven mitt and, surprisingly, didn’t get vaporized when she opened the oven door. “A perfect chocolate cake!” 

 

… She wasn’t wrong. The cake looked picture perfect. Fully cooked. Moist, yet firm, with a perfect layer of decorated chocolate frosting on the top and sides, with yellow flowers decorating the edges.   
  
*Mute, still behind the table, audibly slipped a gear.

 

“That’s it for Space Meal Time today! Next time we will show you how to make a mile long Italian sandwich and how to fill your personal wine cellar with a pair of clown shoes and the local reservoir! Be sure to like, comment, and subscribe!”

  
The video stops.

 

============================

  
  


“Mmmm.” *Hyun-ae purred as she took a bite of her cake. “Amazing cake~”

  
“Food certainly has come a long way.” You say as you enjoy your own slice. It might not be ‘first bite of food that you’ve had in literal centuries’ good but it was a far sight better than the food on your ship. Not that it meant much.

 

You’d read about the state of travel rations in the earlier centuries and, you had to say, things really hadn’t changed all that much on that front.

 

“But… Flash. No boom.” The two of you stop and turned to *Mute. The poor girl was sitting in her chair, staring off into the distance...and an untouched cake. “What?”   
  
“... Do you think we should tell her there was a second cake and a lightbulb in the oven?” *Hyun-ae said with concern.   
  
“No.” You shake your head. “It’s best to just let her slowly come around. She’s been going through enough  in the past few weeks.” You said turning back to your cake. “No need to add whiplash to it.”

 

*Hyun-ae, after some thought, made an agreeable noise and went back to her cake.

 

A few more bites and a thought popped into your head. A thought that someone in your profession really should have had before this whole mess had even started. “So why did you want to do this? I’m not complaining but it seemed so random.” 

 

*Hyun-ae blushed and scratched the back of her head at your question.“W-well...I watched a couple of really old videos before the ship launched, right? Epic Meal Time or so. And well...As the centuries passed and the loneliness really sets in, your mind tends to wander.” She said, slowly growing more and more downcast. “Just felt like getting the idea out, after so long...” 

  
You said nothing, You put down your fork, and quickly take her hand into yours. Reassuring her that you were real. That you were there. And that you would always be there.

 

She sniffed as she wiped away her tears with her other hand, getting some crumbs onto her shoulder. The two of you sat there, sharing an intimate moment over baked goods and her girlfriend’s broken sanity.

  
It was a fine moment. A moment that was suddenly broken by the soft sound of silverware on china. You both turned to watch *Mute slowly bring the fork to her mouth, unsure of the motion.    
  
You felt your heart drop. You had forgotten something. Something very important and vital...you were slipping. Again. 

 

You forgot to calibrate her taste buds. And this was literally the first time *Mute would have eaten  _ anything _ . Let alone almost sinfully good chocolate cake, the bane of females everywhere.    
  
You could only watch in horror as she brought her lips down on the fork, the cake finally entering her mouth. You felt your pupils shrink as her eyes went far too wide… You felt regret that you’d even taken that as an option when they turned black. 

 

“MORE.”

 

============

  
“Forgot to calibrate the taste buds huh?” The mechanic said with a southern drawl, not looking up from his work even as his words burned at you. “Yeah. I’ve been there. My first meal I damn well nearly caused the diner I was in to close for the day and I popped a couple of bolts.” This was followed by the sound a hand slapping a belly and a hearty laugh. “Good times.”

“Well, anyway, the good news is that she only burst her stomach. None of the important bits and  electronics were damaged. So it’s a simple replacement, so simple that I actually have the parts here.”   
  
“... Really?”   
  
“Yeah, it happens. A lot. I always keep a few in the shop.” He shrugged. “The main problem here is just getting all the food out of her. Even soaking in water and an ultrasonic cleaner won’t get everything, so I’ll have to get in there with a toothbrush. Tedious is what it is. And you know what they say about time and money.”

You knew that *Mute was okay. That she’s with *Hyun-ae in the waiting room, mortified and little more than a head on a table... But it was still disconcerting to see her disembodied torso  hooked up to various cables as it hung from the ceiling...but it wasn’t nearly as disconcerting as the price you’d just been forwarded if you wanted everything done in a timely manner.

It wasn’t enough to wipe you out or anything...but it was definitely enough to hurt.

You glanced over at the window to the waiting room. *Mute’s upper arms and head now on *Hyun-ae’s lap, her face red as the other girl rolled her about in her hands, seemingly loving every moment of it...and most likely thinking on what kind of outfit she could fit on *Mute as she was.   
  
Convinced by *Mute’s plight, you signed the invoice and transferred the money. No one (intelligent) ever said that relationships would be easy. Or cheap… It was starting to look like you had to start looking for another salvage job so soon.

Oh well. Their happiness came first. 

  
  
  



End file.
